recalibrating.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. 
I was asked the other day, in a meeting with other resident artists of the Civic Theatre, whether I would respond to my own Project’s advertising. Would I respond to a notice sent out indiscriminately that said: SPEAK OUT! LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD! Would I answer the call to my experience of Blackness, something so searingly deep, to an unknown email address? 

The answer?
no f**king way.

Once I realized this, I was floored. How could I be so obtuse? If even 1/3rd of blacks who live rurally are anything like me, they want to be out of the limelight, they want to be out of the noise, and the hustle. They attract enough attention anyways, why respond to some faceless, nameless advertisement to exploit this fact all the more? 

Idiot. 

Me. Not them. 
Not us.

US. This is the thing. I am one of “them”. I am a black and rural soul. It is from a place of genuine lived-curiosity and desire to soulfully inquire that I embark on this project. I’m not looking to exploit, I’m not looking to EXTRACT data. I’m looking to deepen myself. And perhaps, God willing, whatever souls are supposed to join me on this journey will find something added to them too. 

Well now. How am I to find you? How would I go about drawing myself out? how do I engage these unknown souls truthfully - from beginning to end of this process? 

This is not a quick, whip it off to the press matter. I fear my fervor to get the word out has betrayed what I actually want to do. The very process of finding these souls with dignity, with respect, may prove to be what the heart of this project is truly about. Listening to the hidden voice. The quiet and untold story. This is what I seek.

Wisdom, wisdom
come my way.
help me find my way. 

Njideka Akunyili Crosby, 1983 - present; The Beautyful Ones Series #7, 2018, Acrylic, Color Pencil, and Transfers on paper