Reach.

Portrait by Lynette Yiadom-Boakye

I have done all the back loading I can.
I’ve mulled over my concept.
Clarified my questions.
Formed the grant proposal.
Submitted the grant.
GOTTEN the grant.
and now…
it’s time to start.
F*&k.

The very essence of this project is the weaving together of stories. The heart of this project is found in the CONNECTIONS drawn by the collective stories of Black souls in rural settings. Yet, as one of the black souls, living rural and mostly alone, I am quite inwardly drawn. Insular. Content - kind of - in myself. I have shied away from other souls in Black Skin. I have felt unworthy somehow. Not enough in my blackness, in my sense of my blackness, to have the courage to meet another black soul face to face as “one of them”. I am full of insecurity and misgivings having been alone in my blackness for so long. Yet now, NOW it has been gifted to me, thrust upon me to reach out of my fears and my insecurities in order to excavate tales from others who - my God - might feel as I do.

So.

I’ve done all I can to avoid this moment. I have renovated my website, applied to half a dozen more presenting and granting bodies, I’ve collected names, gotten leads, but now… now… there’s nothing left to do but reach out. And I’m shakin’ in my bones.

Shakin’ in my bones.

Trying to reach out.

God help me.